Remember Dreaming?

Coming home to the land is something that my soul craves. 

I have felt this for a number of years. I have a vision of people living back in harmony with the land in a big way. Having this large dream that I feel is my responsibility to bring into the world, has caused me at times a sense of urgency. Especially in my early twenties! This urgency was being fueled by the idea that I would become fulfilled once I was out on the land; that all my problems would cease and life would become balanced and perfect. ( this idea that something outside could bring me to a place of peace inside) 

So I ran off into the forest with the intention of disconnecting myself from this unhealthy society. My family was startled by this rash decision, and expressed their concerns in a big way! They told me I was being irresponsible and selfish. I would not hear this as it may have swayed my decision that I was already set on. Also Being fueled by an inner knowing pushed me forward. I ignored their advice as I knew what I needed to do.  I thought I had everything I needed already. I gave my notice to my work and planned a date when I would retreat into my home territory. 

I had fantasized that going would be an incredibly easy transition and I would know what to do. I imagined that I would be the one to start living back on the land and other community members would join.   This was half true. I was alone and unprepared for survival in the wild. I didn’t bring much food or supplies I had brought a tent to sleep in, although did not use as there was as teepee set up by one of my uncle’s in the area. 

What I did bring was a connection to my inner voice and a strong determination to bring about a better way of life through action.  I definitely had the right idea. What I was missing was the practical tools necessary to realize this dream. 

I felt that I would figure things out as I go. Which in many ways I did I fished and ate minimally picked berries and became more familiar with the local medicines. I got very connected to the land I began to feel at home. I had some unreal moments with animals. On one occasion I was singing and drumming on my own, then off in the distance three deer can walking over to my area they were formed in a triangle shape until they got closer. Once within 5 meters of me they split off and walked a circle around me and the grazed comfortably while I watched in awe. 

Though fostering this connection was life changing and empowering my lack of practicality caused me to need to return to the city.  This was hard on me as I felt I had “failed” I didn’t want to face that in myself yet that I needed to learn more practical life skills. So I didn’t.  I released this big dream from my mind thinking it was not meant to be. 

I turned my attention back into yoga and became deeply invested in acroyoga. I began training and teaching more, allowing this connection I fostered to become more quiet. I did not notice this was happening until a few years had gone by. I was walking in the forest and something was missing. Something dear to me. My sense of being at home had been severely dulled by my integration into the fast paced city life. ( I feel this one strongly still) 

This was the trade I had made. It was my choices that led me here. I continued to move forward with my teaching career and began to travel and teach globally with my good friend Slava Goloubov. Slava is a very driven and practical individual so when he wanted to do something he would learn everything he needed to do to make it happen. I was able to observe and learn what it took to make bigger dreams come true. He really taught me so much and I would not have been able to be where I am with his help. 

The world travel exposed me to many different ways of life, and cultures.  A few years of travel visiting many special naturally beautiful sites, spaces of prayer, as well as man made sites that show humans are capable of creating re-ignited my vision. 

Taking in all of this led me back to my original dream. A community that lives with and is one with the land. This dream has expanded and evolved due to my learning over the years. I have expanded it to include ways of placing a great value on traditional ways of living , generating purpose for myself. Now as we work towards making this happen I have a much better grasp on the practical side of life. I know it will be a lot of work and will take time. There will be resistance along the way. 

I feel much more comfortable with these things now, I won’t shy away from the challenge. I have gained so much life experience and am ready to put the work into bringing this community into the world. The best part being I won’t do it alone. I am open to taking in knowledge from others, I am open to receiving help from my community to make this happen.