One thing that has been exposed by our current global situation is the fact that life is not guaranteed. I have been finding myself becoming comfortable again. Don’t get me wrong, comfort is not a bad thing. I advocate for myself taking the time each day to slow down and rest. Only it’s also important to not slip into this “comfortable” place where I can begin to take things in life for granted.
I have been doing my best to stay present each day, present with whatever ever arises. I have been doing my best to stay active and healthy. I have also been doing my best to avoid the fact of life that all things will come to an end…
This includes my life and the lives of the people I love. This has always been something we can guarantee as a truth in life no matter what your beliefs are we will all still meet the same end.
When the lockdown first happened this fact hit me like a ton of bricks. This was not my first visit with this fact. The first time I sat with it I was 20 years old. I woke up and for whatever ever reason I felt like it was my last day on earth. This sent me into an immediate state of immense gratitude, I felt so lucky for all the things I had managed to fit into those 20 years. I made peace with the end of my life and had a very beautiful day where I took nothing for granted…
After surviving that day and 13 years more I slipped back into the comfortable and perhaps also debilitating sense of entitlement to be alive. Pretending that life is guaranteed until I am around 100. I have noticed that anytime I am taking myself, my loved ones, or my circumstances for granted a way that has worked for me to wake myself up has been to sit with the fact that tomorrow is not guaranteed…
I know at first it can seem very doomy and gloomy. As well, yes some days it can be much more challenging to face this fact. Only in my experience there has not been once that I have sat with the feelings that arise to find that just below the surface there is only love and gratitude that is so immense that it can be scary at first to feel.
Some days I fight with it and I can feel that effect on my body, in the form of anxiety and tension around my heart. After I relax into it I feel that same sense that death is close by. I have to accept that if it’s my time there is no sense in fighting it just release into it. As you may have guessed I am not dead yet… hahahah
Everytime I do this practice I find my way back to the same beauty, gratitude and love that is so powerful that my mind cannot comprehend. My heart on the other hand is very capable of experiencing this so I bask in this feeling of oneness. Often envisioning my son, or my Mother, the two people who my connection is tethered very strongly, and the love that I feel for them is timeless.
This is my practice of bringing myself back to the truth of life. The fact is that pandemic or not if it’s our time to go there is nothing we can do to stop it. On the contrary if we are meant to stay nothing can take us down… This is a fact of life, and it sets me free from worrying about what’s happening in the world.
I just simply check what the current government regulations are and follow them. Beyond this any predictions about what will happen brings me into a state of dis-ease. When I sit with life as it is, what is true becomes obvious to me. I do not need to help others to see my truth or have them to believe it with me to validate my beliefs. I know when I have hit the truth when there is nothing that happens outside that can waiver my knowing.
What truths have you discovered in your lives?