Mindfulness is it worth it?

There is a deep importance to accepting things as they are in the moment. Whatever your mental state is currently right now, it is exactly as you have trained it to be. Let’s talk meditation I would say that in my experience of meditation we come in with the approach of becoming better. Better at what? Being present is usually the goal I would say, or to become enlightened which also requires being present. 

Only how can you become more present if you are in resistance to what is currently on your mind, in your heart, and stored in your body? Is it even possible?

I am bringing up this topic to share a bit about my journey with being present. 

I learned about meditation, enlightenment, and being present, 12 years ago! I was a pretty young lad with a lot to prove to the world. ( this is still true today) I came under the impression that being present was an experience that felt beautiful, exciting, positive, and effortless! I had many experiences like this too to prove this to me. 

So I came into practices looking for the feeling of being present, as if it was outside of my current state somehow!! I know it sounds funny but it’s where I was at. How could I find presence anywhere other than where I am at the moment, and acceptance of the whole package? 

Oddly enough though I just kept showing up, having experiences of resistance and sometimes lack thereof. Like training our physical bodies our minds have been trained to focus where we have trained them to focus. I had trained my mind to focus on what I don’t have.  As well I trained it to look for flaws in myself and others! I am not sure why I did this, I guess it doesnt even matter at this point.

So without surprise this is what my mind did during meditation, I dont have the feeling of being present so I am going to generate resistance, it starts in the mind but quickly changes how i feel emotionally, and my body would respond by creating firmiliar patterns of tension. 

The cool thing though is through observation I managed to notice this pattern, it was actually most noticeable in my body, when resistance leaves my thought process, things change, I feel deeply accepted. Imagine how you would feel if you deeply accepted everything about yourself? I cried really hard the first time ( it was the best cry I ever had) . Probably because I had to realise that all the pain I was holding was all my own fault. Blaming doesn’t really hold any ground in deep self acceptance. Give it a try and let me know if blame can exist when you are 100 percent present with all of who you are in any moment.

Each time I revisit this space there are less stuck emotions, and each day I add some take away some it appears to be a never ending process. When I come into acceptance of all things in any moment my physical body changes before my eyes, chronic pains alleviate ( not for good), but at least I could feel how I can exist differently to save my body all the stored tension. 

Each day is a do-over, each day can be a complete reset. And each day I have yesterday’s lived experience to teach me how to show up differently, as well as what to repeat (why change something that feels great?).  This is something I can say our society does not place value on at least from my own lived experience, we are pressured to be a certain way. To fit in, which is not realistic so we all end up silencing our inner knowing. The liberating moment is when we realize that society means so much less when you start showing up for you, and your loved ones.

What do you think, is mindfulness worth your time?

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