Something that I have always held inside myself is sovereignty. in contrast to what is happening online and in the media sovereignty is still untouched. Something that I learned in my life is that we all have a right to exist freely it is an inherent right.
Indigenous peoples in Canada and all over the world have been exercising these rights for generations. The government of Canada has committed unspeakable acts to try to kill the freedom in the hearts of indigenous peoples.
I have been feeling like quite the pariah lately. Since my own lived experiences have lead me towards feeling a sense of deep mistrust of the medical systems here in Canada. When I allow this truth the settle I feel a sense of ease. I have essentially lived my life in a way that I do not rely on the western medical system, I have full medical coverage and I do not use it.
I read and learned how to do preventative care as best I can, and am always adapting to my environment. I have managed to not only not catch covid once in the last 3 years, I didn’t spread it to anyone either.
Yet I can be reminded daily that my choice to follow my normal healthcare routines that I have been practicing for the last 10 years, I am being reckless and irresponsible. The problem is that because this message is being pushed out so hard that I believed it deeply. Even though my lived experiences would tell a different story.
I have been avoiding my feelings about this topic because I am quite good at rationalizing my feelings until I don’t feel them anymore. This is a strength and a curse we all know how that goes.
I make space to sink into my feelings and sensations yet I wasn’t quite allowing the fullness of my experience in. I have been allowing myself to live in a state of near-constant tension. Very subtle low-level tension. Due to the fact that I take personal responsibility for this, I have been doing everything I can to help myself release.
Yet this time I would like to say that what is happening right now is not safe, I do not feel safe… even if I can convince myself I am safe with thoughts, I don’t believe it deep down. How could I feel safe as popular opinions turn against me? I have grown up living on the edge of society not fully part of it, not really understanding it.
I have been doing the right thing by prioritizing my connection to my inner voice, and following the guidance, I receive from inside. This is leading me further and further from what I perceive as a normal member of society.
When the pandemic started I had already been feeling something was going on inside. I naturally began noticing my hands when I touched surfaces and started taking extra care to wash well. I started to feel not good about sharing drinks ( even though sharing water bottles with friends and family was a very normal thing for me).
I only bring this up to say that listening to my inner guidance has kept me completely safe throughout all of this major shifting happening in the world. I also knew I would not take a vaccine when it became available as I trust my nature to keep me safe, and protected until it doesn’t.
I knew if I caught covid that I would fight it off easily not from cognitive dissonance but from looking out into my own environment. Members of my own genetics caught covid and got better quickly.
I have to share a story at this point as it fits perfectly with what I am trying to convey. Four years ago I was in Costa Rica in the heart of the jungle, completely immersed in nature. Every day groups of monkeys would be jumping and swinging overhead in the trees. These trees were so high that if they fell they would not survive the fall.
Yet the monkeys are compelled to be guided by nature to just go about their business leaping fearlessly from tree to tree. I watched the monkeys every day completely fascinated. One day while watching the monkeys an inspired thought seeped into me. If we are meant to be alive nothing will take us down! If we are meant to be here then we will survive miraculously anything that may come at us. At the same time, if it is our time to go, nothing will stop nature from taking us out.
This was more than just a thought, I felt this knowledge seep into my cells. This truth is unavoidable, it can be liberating, and scary because it is not in our control. No matter how hard we kick and scream we cannot control this cycle.
We can control our will to be alive, to be so full of life that death has no choice but to stay a little bit further away from us.
I am not saying I have no fear of death, but I will not allow my fear to be used against me or to control how I live. Because I know from lived experience that allowing my fear around death to control me brings death closer to me. It creates stiffness within my thoughts, feelings, and body.
Many of my relations have lost their lives during this pandemic, and not one of them from covid. I feel that they died from isolation and disconnection when we are alone it can be much harder to find the will to be fully alive and filled with life, so naturally, death creeps closer and closer.
I am finding the will to live and welcoming life force into me because I know I am meant to be here right now. I know that my perspective is an antidote at this time. My perspective is a reminder to live and love. I do my very best to be considerate of anyone who comes into my environment.
I am not advocating that to become ignorant and go spread illness at all! I am saying now is a great time to get in touch with that voice inside that subtle guides you that will keep you safe, to become acutely focused in your own environment so you may communicate with your loved ones on how to help each other feel safe, and to remind each other that we have each other’s backs.
Remind our elders that we need them to be here with us! We need to hear their stories and lived experiences as they are a way of filling us with life by hearing about the moments in their lives that they felt so strongly alive that the memory is etched into them so deeply that they want to share.
You might notice that I generated a feeling of aliveness within myself as I wrote this, I was feeling very differently when I first sat down to write. so here’s to being fully alive, fully liberated, and free to follow the path you are guided to walk in life.
I am needed, and I need others.
All the best,
2 thoughts on “Aliveness”
Wow! All of us “pariahs” needed to hear this. 🙏🏽 Devon son❣️
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Thanks for this blog Devon. I share your philosophy of sovereignty, and at the same time, recognizing that we are all connected. I especially appreciate your perspective on focusing on our aliveness! This thought lifts my spirits.
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